Hypothetical Realities
by Phosphorescent
Summary: One sunny afternoon at Hogwarts, Severus and Lily have a discussion that—if they aren't careful—might just scar them both permanently. /"The day that I willingly procreate with Potter," Lily said, "is the day that *you* become a Hogwarts professor."/


_Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling, which means that I do not own the magical universe of Harry Potter. Nor, alas, do I own the literary device of foreshadowing. Fortunately for me, however, I am legally allowed to write fanfiction that uses both in copious amounts.  
_

_A/N: This ficlet is set at some point in Severus and Lily's 4th year; the cracks in their friendship are beginning to show, but said cracks haven't reached a critical state yet._

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"The day I procreate with Potter of my own free will," Lily told me, "is the day that _you_ become a Hogwarts professor."

"Is it so unbelievable that I could obtain a post here?" I asked her, slightly miffed.

She grinned. "Not at all, not at all… but I never thought that you'd _want_ to teach 'imbecilic, snivelling dunderheads'."

"True," I conceded.

"And you have to admit, Sev," she continued, "that you don't have quite the best disposition for working with children."

"That," I informed her with a slight sneer, "was never in question. But back to the original topic of conversation…"

"Right. Potter just won't leave me alone! And his comment today simply illustrated exactly _why_ I have no desire to go out with him. 'Bear my babies, Evans?'" she said, mimicking the boy-in-question's smug tone. 'Oh, and while you're at it, come with me to Hogsmeade'."

She let her breath out in an irritated huff.

"I mean, honestly! Was that supposed to be charming or something?"

"I gave up trying to fathom Gryffindors' minds a long time ago," I replied sardonically.

"Excuse me! I'm a Gryffindor!" Lily said, half-jokingly.

"Yes, but you're not _really_ a Gryffindor. You're one of us," I told her. "You actually have a brain in your head."

Lily bristled angrily. "Oh, I see," she said coldly. "It's all OK because I'm not _really_ a Gryffindor."

I immediately felt flustered. She was taking this the wrong way – I'd meant for it to be a _compliment_.

"No, that's not what I meant," I said, stumbling over my own words in an attempt to make her understand. "Don't you see, you're better than them."

She wasn't done yet, though. "And were you implying that all Gryffindors are idiots? Because I'll have you know that there are plenty of clever people in my house. And I'm getting sick and tired of this prejudice of yours, Sev, really I am. You can't judge us all based on the Marauders."

"That's not what I was saying at all," I told her desperately.

Well, actually it was, sort of, but I didn't want to get on the bad side of Lily's temper. One of her few faults was that she held grudges. The last time that we had had a proper argument, she hadn't spoken to me for a full week afterwards. I had no desire to go through that again.

"Then what _were_ you saying?" she asked me.

"I didn't mean that Gryffindors were idiots, I just meant that people in general are idiots. You're one of the rare exceptions," I explained.

"Oh." She blushed a bit. "Sorry for going off on you like that; Potter just gets me so… so worked_ up_. But really, there are plenty of decent people in the world."

"That," I told her, "is where you and I differ in opinion."

She rolled her eyes.

"You must admit, people like Potter and his cronies lend strength to my argument," I said.

"I'm not arguing there," she muttered, clearly remembering her confrontation with the git. "But enough of that," she said, shaking her mane of dark red hair out of her face. "Let's discuss something else, something _interesting_."

"What, discussing Potter's and your hypothetical love-child isn't interesting?" I asked, smirking.

"Ugh, bad mental images, Sev, bad mental images," Lily said, shuddering. "But I tell you what: if I ever _do_ create a child with Potter, you have my full permission to use your professorial authority to keep my child from getting a swollen head. Can you imagine _two_ Potters?"

"I'd rather not, thank you," I told her.

"_You're _the one who wouldn't let the subject drop," she reminded me.

"Consider it officially dropped," I assured her. "So do you want to go to the library? I heard Slughorn mention that they got in the new Potions journals this week."

"Really?" she asked, face lighting up. "Why didn't you say so earlier? Let's go!"

And with that she grabbed my hand and started tugging me up the hill towards the school. Never let it be said that I don't make sacrifices for the sake of friendship. Because contemplating Lily and Potter _procreating_ together – however hypothetical the situation – definitely counts as a sacrifice.


End file.
